Introducing my new book,
Waves & Walls: How to Flow with Life Without Losing Yourself
A guide to setting boundaries, reclaiming your energy, and standing in your power—without guilt.
You’ve spent years being “nice” instead of being honest. Saying yes when you meant no. Holding your tongue to keep the peace. Giving and giving, hoping that if you just pour enough of yourself into others, you’ll finally be enough.
But here’s the truth: No amount of over-giving will make the wrong people appreciate you. No amount of bending will make the right relationships feel right. And no amount of self-sacrifice will bring you peace.
The Art of Holding Your Own Waters
“The ocean does not ask permission to take up space. It does not apologize for its rising tides or hesitate before pulling back. It moves with an ancient rhythm, unshaken by expectation, never doubting its own power. But humans? We hesitate. We shrink. We second-guess ourselves. We say yes when we mean no. We pour ourselves out for others, hoping that if we just give enough, we will finally be enough.”
-Alexandra Gulbis, LCSW
Waves and Walls: How to Flow with Life Without Losing Yourself
Waves & Walls is for those who are tired of being the emotional life raft for everyone else while barely keeping themselves afloat. It’s for the people-pleasers, the over-givers, the ones who have spent too long shaping themselves to fit into spaces that should have made room for them instead.
Through deeply insightful, no-nonsense guidance, Alexandra Gulbis, LCSW, helps you unlearn the patterns that keep you stuck in burnout and resentment. She teaches you how to:
Recognize the undertow of niceness—the ways people-pleasing pulls you away from your own truth.
Navigate the discomfort of setting boundaries—why it feels so hard, and why others’ reactions aren’t your responsibility.
Release the weight of emotional labor—so you can stop carrying feelings that aren’t yours to hold.
Set boundaries in love, friendship, and work—so your relationships feel reciprocal, not draining.
Break free from guilt and obligation—because disappointing people who expect too much from you is not a failure—it’s freedom.
Each chapter of Waves & Walls doesn’t just give you insight—it gives you tools. At the end of every section, you’ll find thought-provoking journaling prompts designed to help you:
Unpack old patterns—Identify where you’ve been over-giving, over-explaining, or holding back your truth.
Reclaim your space—Clarify what boundaries you need and where your energy is best spent.
Practice self-trust—Rewrite the beliefs that make you feel guilty for choosing yourself.
Because setting boundaries isn’t just about saying no—it’s about creating a life that actually feels good to live in.
Grab your journal, dive deep, and start the work of coming home to yourself.
Selected Excerpts
The Undertow of Niceness
“Niceness, in its most unbalanced form, is not about care—it’s about avoidance. Avoiding conflict. Avoiding disapproval. Avoiding the discomfort of standing our ground. The problem is, when the tide of people-pleasing takes hold, we don’t even notice we’ve been swept away until we’re gasping for air.”
The Joy of Disappointing People Who Expect Too Much from You
“If someone only values you when you are over-giving, over-apologizing, or over-extending yourself, they do not truly value you. They value what you do for them. And when you start setting boundaries, the ones who benefited most from your exhaustion will be the loudest in their protest. Let them. Their discomfort is not your burden to carry.”
Your Boundaries Will Set You Free
“You are not here to shape-shift, to stretch yourself thin, to be so understanding that you allow yourself to be misunderstood. You are here to be whole. To be you. And that means protecting yourself—not as an act of isolation, but as an act of self-respect.”